Wearing Her Pants [part 1] In Which Emma Takes On Lilly's Job

Lil and I thought a series might be fun so I proposed we each attempt some of the more menial tasks of another's work or life and share the results. We're bound to have some pretty interesting results considering how wildly divergent each of our lives are. So be sure to stay tuned. Conveniently dovetailing this decision was Lil's request for a little help with her lesson planning. So, without further delay, I give you part 1 in which I (emma) takes on Lill'y job:

Every once in a while Lil will ask me to write paragraphs for her class using the vocab list for the week. When I'm not absolutely slammed with work this task is a nice little break from the norm. She'll send me a list of words and a theme and I set to work. In the past I've popped out paragraphs on adobe monasteries, political libel and a Pittsburgh teen's SAD. She poked me just a bit ago for another assignment and I figured I might as well share my homework with the masses.

These were the words:
narrative • subjective • speculation • heading • main idea • objective • excerpt • dialect • exposition • figure of speech
Theme: Non-Fiction Lit

I will preface this exposition by saying I can in no way promise the information contained within this excerpt is subjective. However, in the face of growing speculation I figured some attempt at a narrative is necessary. The main idea being that some sort of record of events will be useful in heading off further rumors. I will do my best to remain objective, forego the local dialect and avoid using figures of speech like metaphors and hyperbole in an attempt to provide an accurate and widely understandable recounting of what actually happened. 

Yeah, I know brilliant bit of prose eh? Leaves you wondering what would come next. I like to leave a little room for the imagination of those wily middle school kid's minds to wander. Encouraging distraction is something I'm very good at; it is also the reason I would probably be a horrid middle school teacher. I bow in respect to you lil.